absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
