is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The beer is more important than you right now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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