I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
