is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
