NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
