It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
