In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
