I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
