The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
