Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
