I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
