Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
