dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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