apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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