I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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