don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
