come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
