Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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