The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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