Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
