your room smells of hookers.
And success
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
