I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
