I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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