dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
