he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
