The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
