That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
