I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
