can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
