I bet he comes in French.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
