we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
