The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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