Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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