made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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