she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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