Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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