He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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