i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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