Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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