well I can't set my house on fire every night
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize