What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
