I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
