Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's intense
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
