im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
