It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
cat food counts as protein by the way
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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