i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
