He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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