are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
