marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
