Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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