ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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