what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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