I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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