Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
