he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
