I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
