it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
