I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
