Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
